I have been called a nihilist before.
That might be true, depending on your point of view. Personally, I don’t think it’s a meaningful description… so while most of what I write on here is ‘the big picture’ to the point where people do not exist, I am writing here now to bring it back to where I stand in all this.
Metaphysically, I also subscribe to the notion of a metaphysical void in which we cannot know or even begin to organize ‘what is out there’. Furthermore, unlike many human beings I do not believe that what I do is important to the universe. I don’t think that my life matters to the universe, nor that human beings as a whole matter. I also don’t think that the ‘truth’ or ‘meaning’ that I have in my head has any bearing whatsoever on any kind of universal synthesis. Sure, I hold political views, I have a sense of morals and justice, but in the face of the cosmos that’s quite irrelevant.
So you might take it that I don’t mistake my/our human existence to have any meaning per se. We are as it were, mostly observers, often participants but following no script. I do not make the mistake of mistaking my sense for any kind of cosmological signification — in the sense of metaphor, truth, ruling, principle, or universality.
I had been told a Mormon who was a very good friend at the time that this kind of world-view was untenable, depressing and burdensome. I do after all, believe in taking responsibility for my actions… even their unintended consequences as much as possible. But in as much as I rely on me, I also rely on the others around me. Family, friends, society at large… we are all in this together and if things are too much; no problem. We can take it one moment at a time. It’s just that there’s no going back… for anything.
So what keeps me going? (one moment at a time…) As a personal note I believe that what I do makes the world a better place. (You can read all about how we help businesses comply with the requirements for disability access.) I also believe in social entrepreneurship — and I strongly believe that government should support people, rather than being a tool used for profit. I believe in supporting those who I love and cherish — although this isn’t without its conditions — I expect people around me to also try to be good and upstanding people as well (perhaps a bit old fashioned but whatever). I also believe in fair dealings and trying to be honest and open about as much as possible.
In my daily routines, what keeps me going is the accumulation of meaningful activity, either through successful business dealings (in which businesses and institutions believe in our corporate vision) or through my own personal growth. I seek to understand more of how to navigate the universal void around me — even through there are no steady foundations as to what is truth.
Yes, there is meaning in my life. I live a very meaningful life. I believe in love, and helping and doing good, although how each of these plays out is particular to me. (I don’t think people love, or help, or do good in the same ways.)
So in case you can’t tell, yes, I am relatively young — a part of the first generation in the history of humankind to be part of a decentralized and mobile work force. We can still get jobs in huge corporations but more than ever while regulations on business have been steadily raised in the last 20 years to a dizzying point — the barriers to entry on services and marketing have been steadily eroded.
So this in part may explain where I stand. I’m terribly introspective for a young 30 something. But I also don’t have a huge cloud over me telling me to get married, buy a house, or how to work in my everyday life. Well, yes I do, but I also have enough freedom to make my own way. This in part, explains a huge part of who I am and why I am philosophically; the two mutually support one another. I’m not a junior adjunct professor with a set semesterly schedule dreaming of being a bigshot in any kind of social circle. But I’m also not a junior C.P.A. wanting to decide the future of… whatever junior C.P.A.s dream of. My future is quite uncertain as is the company I am helping build.
I am meaningless. Open. The biggest weights on me are taxes, monthly bills and my own lack of knowledge or confidence.
I suppose in part, this is what it’s like to be young. To feel like I can do the things I set out to do, and to feel as though I can rely on nothing but myself.
Quite an exciting time to be alive.
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