Reading Our Reflection: Self-help Requires Helping Your Self

I used to travel alot.

I didn’t do it for very long. Less than two years, in fact. But I did it for work and it was an interesting, valuable if not just a lonely time of my life. I imagine that if I did it enough I would have been able to make friends in all the major cities of the US. But I didn’t and I tried to fill my time in a variety of ways. These were all solitary activities; eating out, eating in, drinking, visiting odd places and of course, reading. I won’t get into my history with reading right now, but I will say that I did get to visit a variety of book stores in a variety of cities.

One of the things I noticed was that even in corporate book stores like borders — you could get a real feel for an area by the kinds of books in a bookshelf. (Used book stores were particularly telling.) One of the things people don’t often get is that cities are really too big to be easily encapsulated by one or two visits. You need to immerse yourself there. So bookstores explain alot about the surrounding community. For instance, I never did find an adequate philosophy section in the South. I did see lots of book on military history and a variety of bibles and bible related sections.

Well, I live in Los Angeles. So you can imagine the kinds of hipster art books, the kinds of poetry, po-mo writing, and local ‘underground’ literary scene. I say ‘underground’ because Los Angeles has a kind of inferiority complex when it comes to publishing (partly from being so remote from the literary powerhouses in New York)… One thing that’s disturbed me recently though, is the onslaught of self-help books. It says something about a group of people when you see, over the course of a few years, the section on Love and Sex grow from a shelf to a rack and now, in some book stores, two or three. For example, the collection in the aging hipster community of Sherman Oaks has TWO RACKS dedicated to how to have great sex, or have the secrets to tantric sex, or how to be more intimate with your partner… And it’s not just Sherman Oaks (bless those well-to-do souls), it’s also prevalent at the borders on mainstreet in Glendale, CA. You get things like sex-trology… if you happen to be a male taurus you’re in there. Or if you’re with a gay pisces of some sort, then you can find out all about their bedroom likes or dislikes! And if you have a crush… well, apparently astrology doesn’t exactly predict one’s perdiliction for sexual orientation, but it can tell you if they like it fast, or slow or how to plan your seduction. (More too, later on the new astrology… with the 13th sign… maybe)

Perhaps it’s my generation. And also, maybe the aging baby boomers who, having lived through the sexual revolution, need something more to excite them nowdays that they are older and well, less active… maybe. But you’d think that anyone who might’ve had tons of experience would know what they like. Anyway, isn’t the number of books being read dropping? There are plenty of studies that say that. But how many studies aim at looking for what it is people are actually reading? I have issues with most ‘classic’ literature. For instance, we might claim that Jane Eyre is out of vogue now. Okay. And anything George Elliot is in. Okay! Sure. But who would trash Kierkegaard? I think Repetition is a horrible work; a work of terrible emotional indulgence and infantile obsession-ism. Maybe I missed the point. Lots of everything is there, of course, we all eat, sleep, fall in love and struggle with our own demons or with each other. But it’s irrelevant. So what about the romance novels, the pure escapism of some fantasy literature or books on how to be a better lover (or in one case, how to be a bitch to get a man, since men love bitches…)? How can we understand all these kinds of works?

I think it’s pretty well supported that our media is a reflection of who we are, of what our concerns are. While some people were concerned about what American Idol says about our obsession with celebrity-dom, success and failure (making a ‘spectacle’ out of common people…) I seriously doubt most gave it much thought. Trash tv is recognized by everyone as being trash tv. Who really cares, anyway?

It’s not hurting anyone. There’s moral lessons to be learned by much of it. The bad guy loses. The good guy wins. The struggle goes on. It’s entertaining. And who doesn’t deserved to be entertained when we’ve had a tough day at work? Who cares about thinking or trying to be come a better person through self discovery?

And wasn’t Henry David Thoreau an asshole anyway? Walden is an incredibly pretentious book. He laments that the ‘common man’ can’t feel… at least not like he can… Who cares about that kind of internal dramatification? That Egotism? So why not read a book on how to be a better fuck? Why not read about how to eat and become a ‘skinny bitch‘?

If we take social media as a mirror, it seems more and more to me that we are hypnotized by how awful we are and more and more hysterical about how wonderful we should be (but aren’t). The problem with common men has always been just that — commonness. Somehow we should all be above average. Which is impossible. Our junk email shows us the value judgement that men should have super large penises and be able to ejaculate many times in one ‘session’. Women should all be oh so sexy. All the time. Even when they are waking up in the morning… with make up on perfectly, already. Of course we would want to watch in-human super-people, and identify with them. That’s nothing new. Stories, fables, whatever — are always about what some fantastic thing someone does.

After all, why would anyone want to hear about someone common having a common day?

I’m tempted to go off on how marketing needs to address their audience’s narcissism, or self-imagine. Or maybe talk about Victorian novels, which focused on the rich or becoming-rich. I don’t think most of us believe we will become famous or are upset because we all can’t be rockstars. I think most of us realize that we can’t realistically achieve those things — and most of us decide eventually that we want to settle for something achievable, like having a family or paying one’s bills on time. “There’s nothing special about me!” “I’m not upset that I can’t be rich.” I think it is safe to say that adult maturity comes with accepting one’s position in life… although part of me goes ‘Blah! Slave mentality! — Being an ‘adult’ means accepting your lot in life!’

But how many of us actually grow up? I don’t think it’s really that strange that kids who played video games for fun also play video games for fun as adults. And while we have a conception of adults (ie, sexual consent, as well as the right to drive, vote, drink, access pornography and the duty to serve in the military) as being responsible and mature, we might be surprised (somewhat) to be introduced to the concept that maturation and adulthood as contemporary concepts are only as new as 200 years old. Pretty much all traditions have rites for adulthood — but it’s only recently that we have the added baggage of autobiography, infant/childhood as a developmental period with the teenage years as being a period in our lives with all those expectations of awkwardness and… even more extended development. Becoming 13 didn’t necessary mean sexual maturation (many 13 year olds still have to ‘discover’ their sexual interest… although that number may be dipping lower and lower, who knows) — but being 13 today does come with the idea that one is still a child and can’t really decide what’s best for themself.  I don’t think it’s also a big surprise that teenage rebellion comes with sexual maturity… one has to cast off one’s parents and compete for resources if one wants to breed. But look, our world is complex, more so than before.  Our extended childhood means to teach us how to carry weight as an adult.  So, a dichotomy is formed:

Children = immature.
Adults = mature.

As youths we are told that we should behave and know our place. How do we get out of it? I’m not sure. When we enter the early 20s, we often get an explosion of experimentation and self discovery that comes with the removal of authority.  And we slowly learn that we really do have to take responsibility.  It’s generally a gradual process all the way into your late 20s and early 30s.  Now, to account for this oppression, I don’t think that American children are oppressed.  But I do think that our media hints about the desired life of an adult — party, sex, drugs, drinking and other kinds of behaviors that one should/could only do if one is an adult — and many kids trying to learn about themselves want that for themselves. They might watch a movie like Old School or Animal House and think that this is what college should be like. We see stories like this over and over — and we might assume it’s just a movie or just a story. But there also lacks a subtle distinction that this is a story, and that this kind of behavior may not be what we should strive for in our every day life…

Many of us learn that life shouldn’t be like what’s in a film, later on. At least not 24/7. There’s more to life than bar-hopping (or dodging bullets). But we still have to find that out, gradually or tragically. I think many of us stop doing these things because we get married and want to have a family. (And yes, bar-hopping can be fun, especially if we feel that there isn’t any other better use for our money, even if it was to give to charity). And in case you don’t know, seeking promiscuous sex and/or getting drunk isn’t bad in itself (really it’s not!), but it’s still quite selfish behavior. I just wanna feel good. Nothing’s wrong with that kind of attitude, but is that really what we should be looking for? Many of the self-help books (most of which I have not read) don’t really try to tell us how to live or give us guidance on what it is we should want or value.

If books did that, who would buy it? A litany of Christian morality comes to mind.

But instead, many self-help books focus on more specific tasks. Some of those tasks maybe value-based, like how to be happier in life, or how to find and keep a good woman, how to transform into a motivated person — but many of them are on specific things like how to tie someone up, how to write and think critically, how to be a better professional, how to code in Perl, how to cook for yourself now that you’re living alone in college… With each of these, we are getting the big picture taken for granted. For instance, take something as run of the mill as a programming language. Think it would be hard to tease out values from a book like that? Consider that each programming language was created with a specific problem in mind. C++ was created as a middle level language with speed and software application in mind. Java was created to do all the things C++ did, with internal dynamic memory management AND a smaller footprint so as to work on mobile devices. And what about the values of someone who buys a book on programming? What do they think is of value? Just by the type of task someone values, you can be you know something about them, given our shared world. So how does one jump from being a child (general) to being an adult (general)?

Being an adult isn’t just about being accountable or responsible (many adults are not), but also about knowing why and what you are doing. So for example, while binge drinking is probably not be responsible, but getting a designated driver is more responsible. In an ironic way then, Tucker Max may in fact be one of the most responsible people around. He’s got to be, unless someone else writes his blog for him. Keeping an online presence, writing books and finding time to keep his life in line and his online presence going is a difficult thing to learn, especially if he’s going to parties all the time.

All the same though, even if many of us want to live lives like Tucker Max, can we do it? Probably. Maybe. For a time. Many of my friends have already started to complain that they fall asleep around 1am. They can’t party like they are 23. And… Maybe Tucker Max doesn’t have a day job? I don’t think so, he doesn’t need one if he makes money writing and throwing parties. I don’t read his blog or his books. But I know many of my friends do. If anything, he is giving mixed messages, especially for those few of us who would love to live like him. But if we accept that most of us can’t be expending that much energy (to get laid), then we might be able to accept that it’s only okay for a few celebrities to live outrageously (the rest of us must settle for living vicariously, through them). After all, if we are busy getting laid, or distracted from hang-overs we cannot do the best we can. We can’t give to others with the best of intentions if we are sloppy and not together. Muhammad Ali has said “There are a lot of boys that are stronger than me that could be great champions, but they can’t fight temptation. Temptation is all around us ! Pretty girls with their chests big and ripe.” (Ali Rap, Page 25). If we have aspirations or goals, we should be focused on that and not get so distracted.

For example, if we, as a people, are concerned with the Earth, and pollution, over-population, war, and famine then we should strive to give better attention to these issues. I had an xgf who was very concerned about the Earth, about animal rights and water conservation. She would complain about people having lawns throughout the south-western United States, where we have droughts for years on end, to the point that it affects arable farm lands. And yet she became resistant to my insistence that she not use the washing machine for so few items (since they were separated by fabric, she might have only six things in the washing machine at one time). I’m not saying that we can’t be contradictory but we should not be. Likewise, we may have big ideas about a novel we would write (some day) and this might be an excuse for us to feel better about ourself, when we work hard come home tired and only want to goof off until bedtime. If having dreams and ‘goals’ is only to get us through the day with higher self-esteem then perhaps that’s really useful and I shouldn’t take your dreams or goals seriously. But if they aren’t just self-esteem bullshit then you’re gonna have to get your life focused and in order to achieve them, otherwise you’re not being honest with yourself. And if you believe your own bullshit, it’s probably going to bite you on the ass when you realize one day that you’re 40 and you’ve achieved none of the things you wanted to do when you had more freedom to choose.

But goals aside, is hedonistic behavior all that bad? Even if you had no goals and what you do doesn’t harm others, then why not do it?

Look at it this way: the most liberal of us would claim that consensual activity between two adults is their own privilege. But is it okay for two adults to say, get drunk every weekend? (Or say, did heroin, or something — anything — which made them unable to function in everyday life…) Even if they made sure those days (and the following ones too) were cleared so that it wouldn’t effect their professional life? AND if they made sure they had enough booze and food so they wouldn’t be tempted to drive? Most of us might say… yes, if they covered their loose ends. But what if they got a call from their mom in an emergency in that time (like her car broke down 500 miles away in the middle of a desert)? What if their neighbor’s house caught on fire? We can’t live with all these ‘what ifs’ and I agree that we shouldn’t live exclusively for other people — but part of being mature, I think, is to strive to better ourselves and the environment we are in, to support those of us who need support. Putting energy into a hole for momentary fun is an extremely selfish thing to do. If anything, having free time to kill ourselves with drugs is only possible by the hard work and support the rest of society gives us. People may say ‘well, I’m not hurting anyone, so why can’t I…’ and perhaps so, but one isn’t giving back to society either. We didn’t build our own house. Most of our food comes from somewhere else. Most of the products we have, we can have because parts of it were made in the 3rd world where we don’t pay those 3rd world citizens enough for them to live like us. If we had to fend for ourselves, food, shelter, clothing, supplies, medicine — in the wild — we would probably be busy ALL THE TIME. We don’t live in the wild anymore. But our environment is still not complete. There’s plenty of good left out there, to be done.

And yes, it’s a hard world. Even if you want to help, businesses and institutions won’t accept you on your good will. You have to be able to actually contribute. To get paid AND make a difference. Sometimes it takes someone giving you a chance. We shouldn’t take that for granted. Even if we live in a ‘first world’ nation (and I assume you do if you have access to the internet and time to read all this lengthy stuff) — we shouldn’t just go about fucking everything up even more. After all, someone like, say, Britney Spears might think she’s earned her position (and yes, legally she has), but really, her life isn’t exactly her own… she’s made money on the dreams, ambitions and stardom of many young fans. She’s a public figure now, because that is the life she has led. Her celebrity status is her cage. She can turn her back on other people and trash her life (if she likes) but that’s just plain selfishness and narcissism. If she lived in a more upstanding way and made a difference to the world, to help others, I am sure her life would also be richer. It may not be what she wants, and of course the decision is hers and hers alone. I am sure she (and many others) would like to be good, upstanding people. But many of us are not.

I think the problem comes about when we fail to grasp the actual relationship of what we are doing. We want the fruits of our labor but we don’t understand what it takes to really achieve (and sustain) that. For example, in order to be accepted to a position where you can maximize your good you have to study, learn the shit other people have learned and CONTRIBUTE. Being a big shot isn’t supposed to be the goal. BEING A BIG-SHOT COMES ABOUT WHEN PEOPLE RECOGNIZE YOU HAVE SOMETHING OF VALUE TO CONTRIBUTE. Then they respect you, and come to you and look up to you.

I know it doesn’t always work that way. We hear about big shots in stories, leaders who are really shit heads, who cheat people. Leaders who screw the little guy. Who have been changed by the journey to success. (In stories such leaders almost always fail). Well, that topic is for another time. What I am talking about are the values which surround the life. In a way, success is much like love. Does a self-help book tell us that love isn’t something to be found on the street? Do self-help books tell us that love should not be the goal or the FIX-IT PATCH to a relationship? Love is what happens when two people work out a good situation. Love emerges from that. Love is a side effect of good, respectful and sustained effort on both sides. Love is not a goal. Love is not gotten like winning the lottery.

I suppose it’s possible that self-help books say that. I’m sure some do. But I haven’t read them. And I don’t think people get that about love, or success or money.

This sounds really boring, maybe. It may be kind of boring. It’s also hard, and involves sacrifice. Having a productive evening can be quite satisfying. I get home from work and I try to work on the program I am writing. This doesn’t often happen, many times I spend a few hours unwinding and my entire evening is done. Time for bed!

Long term gain most often involves sacrificing short term pleasure… a personality characteristic which many of us lack. Do we as a people value hard work? Do we have what it takes for a sustained effort? If we read a self-help book, do we in fact derive help from it? I am sure only some us actually read it — and even fewer put it into practice. But can we even find knowledge about life in general from a book? Therein lies a gap between knowledge and practice… Self-help books can be useful but they aren’t complete. Individuals who read a shit ton of them probably don’t get what they need. The answer for the soul isn’t in chicken soup. Therein lies irony, since what you buy is in a book and not a can.

Books are good. They are a good place to start learning. But they aren’t the answer. There also isn’t anyone to teach us how to be mature, contributing adults — just like there isn’t anyone to teach us how to stop being children. This decision is something people have to decide to do for themselves. Most people will decide at some point that they want to be mature, or an upstanding person. And then they try and reinvent themselves — but then inevitably they since they have no idea of how to do it. We want instant fixes to things, but that’s never going to be the case. Reading a book won’t change our lives — no matter how powerful the message — unless we also start to change our behavior… and changing our behavior in ways that affect the basis — not just the symptoms. Taking a pill to solve anxiety may work in the short term, but if it’s a long term goal, then you’re probably going to have to take that pill for a very long time. Likewise, looking for love qua love isn’t the way to go.

Now, it may be a bit of a tall order to stop buying diamonds because they are blood diamonds, or stop drinking coffee because coffee generally comes from exploited coffee bean pickers. Or stop driving gas powered cars because of the United State’s dirty dealings with other countries. It may be a choice, but like success, real change can only come with small steps. Doing massive, radical movements isn’t sustainable. Liberal guilt isn’t the answer either. Liberal guilt prompts people to alleviate their guilt by doing certain charitable things and then ‘allowing’ themselves reprieve in other ways. Like, I give to breast cancer, or I did my time in India, therefore I should be able to… or I drive a hybrid car, therefore I can feel superior and lecture to others who don’t… No one has the authority to balance things like that, and guilt of that sort is ridiculous. It’s like being ashamed of being born a certain race. No real change takes sustained effort. Ask anyone from Alcoholics Anonymous or anyone trying to wean themselves off meat. Meaningful change is a one day at a time thing.

On Effort and Success

Under some small convincing (and it was small) a dear friend of mine convinced me that I should email Ramit Sethi and see if he could not help me with my 2011 new years goals.

To set the record straight, I don’t have resolutions. Resolutions are stupid. Resolutions have the unspoken implication that we have been doing something wrong all along and that we need to reform. Sometimes in majorly dramatic ways. And human beings are not that great at suddenly changing habits. Habits are what make us who we are; since we can’t think or react to everything with our full attention. Habits are what allow a virtuoso pianist to excel with seemingly impossible pieces but it’s also what causes any other pianist to fail (the hundreds and thousands of times they try to tackle that same piece).

Plus the majority of resolutions are vague. Vagueness does not lend itself to developing a plan or a metric on how to achieve something. And the achieving of that something is what we want to do. So be concrete and have a plan.

So instead of resolutions I have goals. Goals are great. I do have them. One of them is to get out of debt. I am in debt because 2010 has been a bad year for me, financially. I spent too much money trying to patch a dying relationship, for much of 2010 and while I was doing that I also neglected my work and my business. As a result I didn’t exactly make very much. In theory I should have even still, made out okay, but like I said I spent too much. And it’s not like the money is the issue; it’s what I did with the money… trying to find new things for us to do together… But more on that some other time.

Back to Ramit Sethi. In case you don’t know who he is, he is you should check this out: Ramit Sethi I haven’t read all of his things or perused the amazing amount of content online surrounding him but I have a great deal of respect for what he’s done. Since he asked for each of us to include as much detail as possible, I took about two hours in the course of working on other things at work to craft a careful email. I tried not to include too much detail. But since the business I have is a particularly odd one, I felt I needed to explain some of the background involved. If he gave a suggestion that I had already tried that would be useless. So I tried to give as much detail as I thought he might need.

I had an idea of what he would say though. So I have included the dialogue below.

In case you are wondering, I’ve given much thought about whether to post or not…. I decided why not. It’s not offensive. And there’s something to be learned from it. I could learn from this. So here goes:

I said:

Hello Ramit,

My cousin, who reads your blog, has convinced me to write this email and explore this opportunity. First off, just a little background — I have read and enjoyed your book I Will Teach You to be Rich and I have watched quite a few of your videos on youtube. I find what you have to say to be interesting and I have an idea of what you might say in response to this email — but of course I have no idea what you will actually say.

I would like to sign up for your earn1k.com but I do not have 1k as I am currently in debt due to trying to finance a failed relationship. I am attempting to get my personal finances in order but as of yet have not made enough to get out of debt.

The biggest goal I have for 2011 involves a company I run with a partner of mine called Yours Truly Accessibility. We would like for this company to be profitable. My goal for 2011 is to get YTA into the green. Currently it is in the red (because of taxes) but was in the black for much of 2010. If anything, we need to work on our marketing. Can you give some suggestions as to what we should or should not look further into? But before you can address that, I think I need to give you some background on our unique company.

Company Background
This is a small company that offers consultation to businesses for compliance with State and Federal laws for disability access. Basically any place that is open to the public and accepts public funds needs to comply otherwise they could be sued for an act of discrimination under the Federal and California Civil Code. With this comes a maximum of $4,000.00 of damages per instance. Given the complexity of the California Building Code (CBC) and the Federal Civil Code (Americans with Disabilities Act 1990 and 2010, Americans with Disabilities Act Accessibility Guidelines 2004, Architectural Barriers Act 1968, and so on) businesses need experienced professionals who are experts in this very narrow field in order to successfully navigate these compliance laws. Most businesses, and architects do not realize this until they are sued. Overwhelmingly architects will claim they don’t need us because they are already experts. But they do need us, and in conversation I can catch many of them saying things that are just untrue. I don’t want to offend any of them, but it seems that their license gets in the way of their ability to acknowledge what they do or do not know. Attorneys, of course, love us.

Without getting too detailed, there are several external factors that structure our niche:
Neither the legal profession nor the construction and design industry covers this field. The CBC is under the purview of architects and contractors but they know nothing about the Civil Code. The California Civil Code and the Federal Civil Code are legal areas but the determination of compliance is measured in the building code, something attorneys know nothing about.
Local enforcement agencies like the county and city building department are state entities and do not have jurisdiction or responsibility to enforce Federal Civil Code. At various points the CBC portion of access conflicts with the ADA.
While this area is beginning to become more noticed by many struggling architects and contractors, they still lack the experience — the many years and thousands of sites that I have inspected, consulted in and been an expert witness for. Most of this experience was done under a different company, so I do not have working relations with those schools, cities and businesses.

Marketing
I think this is enough background here. We do have working relations with a Disabled Rights Non-profit but our main marketing approach is to network with the existing business community through local Chambers of Commerce and bar associations. Our greatest sources for referrals are attorneys. In order to be a better resource for attorneys and businesses, we started to give MCLE seminars and free informative ADA seminars to Chambers of Commerce starting in 2009. We also have maintained a blog on accessibility and have done some youtube videos in which we give out general tips.

We have had some success through these avenues, it takes such a long time to contact the people in charge and have them host it. We don’t want to host the seminar ourselves because of the cost involved. Going through existing organizations with existing members would guarantee us a better turn-out.

As of yet, there isn’t much competition as most businesses do not know that we even exist. Most businesses are apathetic unless the business owners become frightened of being sued or are already sued. Ideally, we would like businesses to hire us before they are sued as after they are sued they still need to hire us anyway (and pay for the lawsuit and/or the settlement). I don’t think the goal to becoming profitable is to charge more. If we were busy that would be fine, but as it is, businesses are not forthcoming because accessibility is viewed as damage control. Providing access is important but it’s not urgent. Many businesses take the unethical attitude that “yes, we are not in compliance but we are going to wait to be sued before we do anything.” Furthermore, small businesses have very tight margins. They require a great deal of time and hand-holding. I would rather not run a company where we do work once and then forgo future service, but I also don’t want the mom and pop shops to keep calling about every little issue several months after we’ve done work for them. Perhaps we need to find a third purely marketing individual?

What we have started to do this year was to call every single Chamber of Commerce we could find, and offer them a free ADA seminar to be set at a date of their choosing for 2011. As this is a recent endeavor, we have yet to see how well Chambers respond. At first talk, most Chambers seem apathetic. A few Chambers are angry and don’t want our help. The Chambers most eager for us to give a talk to their members are ones in which many of their members have been sued. If Chambers host us for a talk, they will inevitably look better to their members (as trying to help)… and it’s not like they can turn to anyone else to speak, as there isn’t anyone else in Los Angeles that can offer the level of expertise that we do. I do intend to aggressively follow up with every Chamber until they give me a resounding “NO”. Beyond performing public speaking engagements and following up with the Chambers which would like for us to help them, is there any other kind of avenue that you think we should be pursuing?

I realize this is fairly long — but I did want it to be brief. There are some long term goals we want to implement and are in the process of implementing but those are at least a year or half a year off. In the meanwhile, short term survival is really very important. Should you need any more information, please let me know.

I thank you for your time and your open invitation.
Looking forward to your correspondence

Best Regards


Alex Lee

His reply was almost instantaneous. I drove home and when I got home he had already replied. He said:

Sorry, this is really long. Do you have 1 question for me?

I had a sinking feeling, but thought I should do as he said. (After all, it is insanely long). I said:

How can I market our inspections to businesses better?

He replied with:

i cover this in my Earn1k course (earn1k.com)

you can also get jay abraham’s book, getting more out of all you’ve got

All in all, a disappointing exchange. Maybe he’s swamped with emails, I can get that. And I see what he’s doing. By asking for questions he’s doing research on his readership. He’s taking notes on where he can help the most people, and find out how to satisfy his readers. That’s cool, but in answering him, I gave him a genuine response that took a bit of effort. Or maybe I misunderstood his request for a question and asked the wrong kind of question.

Now, I understand you can’t get anything for free but here is the deal: He’s done plenty of work building up his clientile, his readership. He’s put in hours and hours of thought. He’s helped plenty of people. He’s been on TV. I’m sure he must feel that he has plenty of cred. I mean, credit. He’s built up his reputation. But in asking for 1k he’s changed the nature of the game. Asking for $10 for a book is one thing, but 1k is alot of money. If anything he should value my 1k more than I do, which means giving a little bit more to earn that trust so that I part with it. If he feels that he’s earned it, then well, from this entry it’s obvious that he hasn’t earned it from me (although I am sure he’s earned it may times over for other people).

After all, I have no idea what his earn1k program would do or if it’s scammy. It feels scammy. But I am not willing to take that risk at all. Now I am even less willing to take it.

I do wish him well, and he is young and smart. I am sure if the earn1k program doesn’t take off, he’ll find some way to recover. But conversely I do have a feeling it will take off… though there are no secrets to success. Just mindfulness and hardwork.

A different good friend of mine made the observation ‘ppl don’t win the lottery twice. people seem to think that if they got it once that they can easily get it again.’ Now of course Ramit has worked hard for what he’s got. He’s put in ALOT of man hours. But a large part of that involves meeting the right people, talking and learning from the right people, and learning the right lessons at the right time. You can be sure that for ever Ramit Sethi who is a successful blogger and writer there are tons more who work just as hard but don’t have nearly the same success for whatever reason. It may be time and place, it may be the influence of those around them. It may be them. Who knows, if we knew what the secret of success is, we would all be successful.

I understand the concept of success relies strongly on the concept of failure. (But not necessarily)… And those are all just concepts. Is it possible for everyone to be successful? In theory yes. Ramit in his book I Teach You to be Rich defines success not as money but as being able to do what you love. Part of that means allocating your resources (time and money) to the things that you love and not to the things that you don’t… but also to pay good attention to set up structures and habits for the things you don’t love so you can maintain those necessary ‘boring activities’ going (my words not necessarily his) so that we can continue to maintain our relative lifestyles.

I agree whole heartedly with that. I also liked his book so much I bought two copies and gave both out as Christmas presents for the end of 2010.

So that’s it. I am up to 1033 words at the time of this writing (atleast in this edit), and still going. And no, this is my blog ‘space’ and I will ramble as much as I like. Should I narrow this post down to one sentence?

NEVER TAKE YOUR SUCCESS AS A SIGN THAT YOU’VE MADE IT. DON’T COMPROMISE, PUT FORTH YOUR BEST EFFORT, AS ALWAYS.

The game changes with each plateau we hit, and the hill gets steeper. We have to build on our past success not ride on it. Anyway, this entry is mainly for my own notes. I am sure that I will need to be reminded over and over of the above, as time goes on… Unfortunately, sometimes when we (as individuals and as a people) get that taste of blissful happiness, we can forget to be our good selves and just get plain fucking stupid, and greedy. All relationships included, even the ones we don’t have.

external forces; eg, god not with standing

note to self: one’s capacity to suffer does not make them a better person.

On the Freedom of Existence

Freedom is existence even if existence is not always freedom.

Existence is best expressed as freedom.  Relish it.

On Love

Love isn’t a feeling.

(this isn’t necessarily a comment on an xgf but i suppose it could be.  nowadays what isn’t commentary of some anything else?)

Often felt as a feeling… but it’s not.  Feelings are limited, and manifested within individuals.  Love is boundless and selfless.  This might be impossible to understand if you’re immersed in the ‘me’ culture, our society of greed — but romantic love is only a small part of what Love is.  In the gnostic sense, love is connection to God.  In a more mundane way, it’s a connection to God through the individuals who surround us.  So if Love isn’t just feeling a feeling — then what is it?

In the philosophical sense of a metaphysics of presence, it’s really less important what it is than how it is… and how it is, is service.  Love is being there for someone else even if you don’t feel like it.  Love is support, is connection.  Good parents.  Good neighbors.  Good friends, family.  Good strangers.

Love isn’t the honey bees and tinkly toes of ‘being in love’ although it may be sometimes expressed within those feelings since Love is everywhere, anywhere.

As for the honey bees and shaky knees…?  Now that….  That, could be anything.

On Capitalism: A Tragedy1

Amusing ourselves to Death

I recently watched Capitalism: A Love Story a documentary made by Michael Moore at a some good friends’ home. Capitalism: A Love Story, argues that capitalism does not work nor does it work for people as a whole. Alternatively, Moore claims that socialism is better because people need to be protected from mechanisms beyond their control. Moore presents the common individual as someone who is happy to wake up, go to work and do what they do. All the complications of the financial work — the nitty gritty of the stock market — are beyond the scope and intelligence of the common individual. Moore’s utopian dream is to usher in a kind of 2nd Bill of Rights straight out of Franklin Deliano Roosevelt’s term — to guarantee the common American a decent job, a decent wage, a good house and food on the table.

This kind of debate is as old as the end of Monarchy. Various utopian ideas from transcendentialism to utilitarianism, socialism have all been offered by thinkers, social critics and philosophers as the answer to the human question: How should we all live together? While most of these ideas have fallen to the wayside, Immanuel Wallerstein in World Systems Analysis offers us a single axis on which to locate people’s political alignment: openness to change. His arguement stems from a loose analysis of the French Revolution — an event which he likens to the social turmoil in the 60s. Wallerstein believes that there are three categories of openness to change: the conservatives, the liberals and the radicals. Only when two of the three groups work together can there be change or the lack of it. To repeat his analysis is more than what I want to get into right now, but it is the fear of change which prompts strict laws, and it is the fear of change which keeps the status quo. This fear, of course, is aligned with those who have the majority of the power.

None the less, fear of change aside, who wouldn’t want everyone to have a home, a decent job and a good wage? What conservatives would claim is that the masses, if given this kind of “Right” would taking advantage of those who genuinely work hard to achieve what they have. They would cite that providing all this would invoke an imbalance of the economy… and that if the “basic necessities” were guaranteed as a right then people having no incentive to work at all.

Personally, I believe think the 80/20 rule works here… 20% of our population basically run the rest of the society so that 80% of us to have our mundane jobs. in a way there’s already too many people around and not enough jobs. As technology becomes more effective, the job market will tighten. Americans work more hours than any other culture in the world because of intense market competition (and the echos of a Protestant work-ethic). Would it possible to spread some of this work around? Furthermore, while competition is often claimed to lead to efficiency, anyone who looks at the current market place will see a large amount of redundancy in our society. Markets may be able to sustain four or five fast food joints in a local area in a big city, but if they are all comporable, do we really need three burger joints each with four or five worker working minimum wage? Other cultures have been amazed at the vast selection of material goods that we have available to us. Is having rows and rows of different toilet paper made by different competitors in a free market really efficient? Do all the different kinds of toilet paper really sell?

This kind of market choice has been touted as a equivalent to our personal freedom. But five or fifteen different kinds of cereal isn’t really the same as an authentic choice. (I could get into this too but that’s time for a different entry!). My point is that, in a way having this kind of market excess is really redundant. If we could take all the brain power that was sunk into making iPods and iPod rip-offs and other mp3 players… it’s conceivable that we could make a super mp3 player that won’t be such a waste. because all the products that don’t work… well, it’s junk. we make a lot of junk. Many of us have what was once the ‘latest gadget’ which is now junk in our desk drawer? What about planned obsolescence? How efficient is that? How good is that for the environment? When money becomes the metric for efficiency, as economists and cost-analysis by political departments are oft to do to justify their policy decisions — then what happens it that money becomes the only item that is ‘generated’ from implementing those decisions.

But capitalism itself has other virtues, right? To create one central “Soviet-esque” department to make iPods would force a single directive, or a single origin for what would or would not be produced. This could destroy our ability to create and be innovate. Furthermore, having such a department that isn’t under any external pressure (such as market pressure) would eventually cause the department to become less efficient. Even still, look at newer information sharing models, such as the open source model that works so well for Firefox in competition with the monolithic Internet Explorer. This model could theoritically be applied to our market economy. So just because things have been done in a certain way so far, and that we have gotten so much ‘progress’ and ‘stuff’ and ‘development’ doesn’t necessarily mean that we should continue in this infrastructure.

But I really don’t want to argue this stuff. I’ll probably end up sounding like Alvin Toffler in Power Shift. To get to issue directly, let’s just jump ahead a hundred years to where our hypothetical Socialist system works and then compare it to Capitalism as we have it..

So let us assume that we we jump to where we work out all the bugs — all the major ones anyway, and people live lax lives because there’s too many people — and technology lets us work so efficiently, so people can work very little and have a minimum. To keep innovation and purpose, I suppose we could introduce a tier-system where people could work harder or more responsible jobs — climb a kind of ladder — and in the process become rewarded by getting more food selection or get more privileges, like being able to have babies… Not to mention that being higher in this rung would engender for them elevated status in the eyes of their peers.

Even still though, we have the same problem don’t we, like the comic linked above by Stuart Mcmillen. In such a world like the one we live in, where we are divorced from daily survival, where we have free time and the technology to insolate and amuse us, in our free time we will always choose to have more of something enjoyable — to the point at which if no one stops us, we would become paralysed by it.

It’s clear in Moore’s film that he takes the position that most people want to work and not care too much about the big picture. While Moore doesn’t suggest why but if you take McMillen seriously is that we are don’t care because we are blind sided by the things we love. Now, I don’t think it’s so much that we have become blindsided by materialism — we are in fact blindsided by materialism — but I think we always have been distracted from what’s going on in the social milieu. Since humans begun to band together and live in settlements and colonies to maximize our ability to distribute work we’ve collectively had the opportunity to have free time and create. While most of our history is undocumented (since we were so often struggling to make ends meet) — only recently in the past 5,000 years have we begun to really flourish as a species — our death rate is historically low — it’s kind of amazing just how uncreative individually we are. New creations in the market place are often offered as solutions to problems — problems in the market place, problems with products — but just as often the majority of us aren’t creative at all. As human beings we all face very similar problems and we respond to them in tired ways.

While much of what we do is very different today than what our predecessors had, the massive still remain at the mercy of those in charge. And those in charge will do as people do — help those who are closest to them. Over time, those relations are bound to crystalize and become inbred… This is where what’s great about capitalism becomes apparent — through the market place. In the process of being innovative and bringing value, there stands a chance for the very poor and disenfranchised to become wealthy and successful too. We do have a system but it’s relatively loose. This is also where capitalism’s weakenesses as a system also become apparent: while plenty of people have made large amounts of money — most of them have not kept it. The value they give society may not disappear, but if money is a metric to social value — should they have not gotten a chance to prosper forever? In our hypothetical system, people would still benefit from the merits of their own achievements. But families would not be able to inheirt and competition for climbing the social ladder would have to be much more rigid. People who want to go off and do their own thing wouldn’t really be able to; there may not be a market for them. You might also add that this is a valid fear: if people have very little rights and very little in the way of being autonomous then they become vulnerable for those in charge to subvert the system against them… because they are uncoordinated and without the means to protest.

Just like what happens in Moore’s film.

Moore doesn’t seem to find fault directly with greedy individuals. And he doesn’t find fault with our government. He finds fault with the system itself, a system that rewards greed in as much as it rewards innovation and successful marketing. A system and a means of distributing wealth and resources that seems to just have popped out ahistorically. Moore’s gripe is not about a particular attempt at world domination, after all, people in charge have tried to get more and more and more all the time. (Moore begins his film with a voice over about the fall of Rome, drawing connections between the United States and a decadent Rome.) This is what more gets at: he named his movie about capitalism — he’s questioning the value of a money driven society. as a patroit, he finds human rights synonymous not with capitalism but with individual quality of life. Gandi’s quote could work here: “a nation’s greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members”. Today we are to be insolated from weakness. We don’t see our weakest members. We don’t even die in our own beds. The sick and dying are wisked away and the public is segregated from everything horrific or uncomfortable… Even if this horror is in our own bodies. We are an anaesthesized culture. This is our pervasive attitude towards pain and discomfort — why wouldn’t there be?

After all, if you could avoid pain and go with fun things, why wouldn’t you? If you could live your life in comfort, pleasure and feeling good everyday… why wouldn’t you? Huxley seems to think most of us would. I would agree. Most of us do. Television and entertainment is a huge industry. We decide everyday how we want to live, and most of us to some extent, spoil ourselves with distractions. Video games can be a rewarding experience, the thrill and excitement and relatively low risk involved. The low risk may be the deciding factor, after all, in video games, the work and effort we put into it amounts to very little that’s translatable to the world we actually live in.

And about the world we live in?

Of course, we are integrated into our surroundings. Much like our so advanced cell phones — if taken away from the system it’s invented for — it becomes useless junk. Likewise, we can’t really go back. We can learn to make fires, hunt under the sun and eat wild berries, but it’s questionable how long our soft bodies and our soft processed-food digestive systems can last. we wouldn’t really want to go back either — unless it was temporary ‘fun’.

So to save ourselves, Moore’s film ends with a call to arms against the powers that be. This seems kind of obvious — that we need to do something for ourselves — although his film might have been better said for the masses to awaken and stop being so self involved.

The biggest issue, I believe, with ceasing self indulgence has to do with our general sense of purpose. As a people, there doesn’t seem to be a very strong regard as to our sense of meaning or well being.

Many different contemporary thinkers have wondered at how “in flux” meaning in our day and age is, aptly but ineffectively bringing up a multitude of explanations, none of which have any strong certainty about them. Contemporary thought has bred several giants in our day and age who attempt to give voice to our ennui. Lyotard is credited with coining “Postmodernism”. Derrida wrote tons of books about “Post-Structuralism” of which the most famous phrase is “The center is not the center”. While there are many different ways to ponder why this is, it’s best to approach this issue historically to address the “how”. Philosophy for a long time was a kind of secular theology basing its structure around the structure of theology. So, in a poetic way, it makes sense that the lack of religion today means the end of the master signifier. Without a single signification to anchor how we should approach meaning, our world becomes increasingly fragmented. This makes sense culturally as well, since in an international village where a variety of voices are given credit, there can’t help but be a multiplicity of views. In terms of ontology, we can turn to the last great Ontologist: Towards the end of his life, Heidegger wrote an Introduction to Metaphysics. The last part of the book discusses the “ought” of which Heidegger credits Kant with bringing up — the last kind of being is split into values and ontology. People’s values support an ontology that expresses how people think things should be. Historically this is fitting. Heiddeger wrote this in the fifties. Perhaps still reeling from the end of Facism, the world was split into two major camps: Capitalism and Communism — both of which had several different modes — and all of which vied for what they thought life should be. That Heidegger should see fit activity with ontology — and how ontology should be justified — seems a frightening thought. Perhaps this was his attempt to incorporate what he saw happening — but could not make understandable within an ontological system.

Nonetheless, his prediction about the justification of values proven almost too true. Today, between political parties and pundits, revolutionaries, terrorists and foreign diplomats, our current media explosion of meaning and dialogue isn’t a response to a lack of meaning but exactly what Baudrilliard writes about — Hyperreality. Signification works on its own level to justify itself to an abstracted sense of the universal even if we do not know what a universality is between people: What rights should be, or what kind of humanism pervades culture, even if we have an offering of a variety of points of view. In a very real way, this fourth ontology is lost among the massive amounts of dialogue. Hyperreality affects ontology as a suspension of the ontological metaphysics of presence, making the question of ontology almost irrelevant.

I don’t concur with Baudrillard’s brand of nihilism (even if I agree with his lack of universal content). More importantly though, we have lost the ability to decide for ourselves what should be as this network of significant obscures our ability to attain any kind of Metaphsics of presence. While Moore doesn’t have this level of dialogue in his film, Moore seems to think that we should have a Second bill of Rights to guarantee our middle class lifestyle be available for everyone — and it sounds good at first — but in terms of an ontology and the production of meaning, this doesn’t make sense. Now granted, his film’s purpose isn’t trying to decide for us the meaning of life, but it is trying to suggest how it is we should live. And how we should live directly connects with how we access universal notions of humanity, society and productivity.

The last bit about productivity is off of Heidegger’s beaten track. To address productivity, we can turn to Marx and Wallerstein. Both write that the middle class is the key to engendering a stable society. The middle class act as ‘managers’ to production, ‘oppressing the poor’ and acting as the body for the ‘rich’. If both writers are are are correct about the role of middle classes — then making everyone middle class as Moore suggests would be the end of our civilization as well know. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean the end of civilization — just the end of what we know. After all, if there were truly only 2 classes, the workers and the rich then civilization should collapse because the workers would see that their leaders had everything. Of course, if we are imagining a hypothetical future, then why not have robots (ala the Matrix) do all the hard work? but that doesn’t really solve the issue of people becoming complacent or themselves robotic qua workers. Already we get the common complaint about our cubical brothers and sisters — who go in during the morning on a coffee high and then work themselves into another coffee stupor in the afternoon only to go home, celebrate the latest tv show and then pass out in bed. So while productivity can be suspended it does not directly addressly the issue at stake:

Even if we were to recognize that our society was stolen from us, who would care? Without an originary access to the universal there isn’t any reason for us to do anything. If we don’t ‘get’ how things should be and we are not embodying that metaphysics of presence, then there can be no purpose to doing one particular thing over another. All our distractions — our toys, our drugs and our entertainment become so much more satisfying only because any direct connection to a satisfying life isn’t possible.

This brings us back to the original thought… and Moore’s title the thought about money.

Deleuze and Guattari in Anti-Oedipus wrote that money is the master signifier. Taking Marx one step further they demonstrate in a more direct way that the cycle of money, M-C-M and C-M-C can’t be broken. Money is the ultimate commodity and money is exchanged, ultimately for itself since the value of a thing is its monetary value. Theoritically nothing is changed but everything is different when Marx wants us to short circuit the cycle and take money out of the equasion by taking it directly out of the hands of the managers. But first, a quote from Deleuze and Guattari

Let us return to the dualism of money, to the two boards, the two inscriptions, the one going into the account of the wage earner, the other into the balance sheet of the enterprise. Measuring the two orders of magnitude in terms of the same analytical unit is pure fiction, a cosmic swindle, as if one were to measure intergalactic or intra-atomic distances in meters and centimeters. There is no common measure between the value of enterprises and that of the labor capacity of wage earners. That is why the falling tendancy has no conclusion. A quotient of differentials is indeed calculable if it is a matter of the limit of variation of the production flows from the viewpoint of a full output but it is not calculable if it is a matter of the production flow and the flow on which surplus value depends. Thus the difference is not canceled in the relationship that constitutes it as a difference in nature; the “tendancy” has no end, it has no exterior limit that it could reach or even approximate. The tendancy’s only limit is internal and it is continually going beyond it, but by displacing this limit — that is, by reconstituting it, by rediscovering it as an internal limit to be surpassed again by means of a displacement; thus the continuity of capitalist progress engenders itself in this break of a break that is always displaced, in this unity of schiz and flow. In this respect already the field of social immanence as revealed under the withdrawal and the transformation of the Urstaat is continually expanding, and acquires a constitency entirely its own, which shows the manner in which capitalism for its part was able to interpret the general principle according ot which things work well only providing they break down, crises being “the means immanent to the capitalist mode of production.” If capitalism sis the exterior limit of all societies, this is because capitalism for its part has no exterior limit, but only an interior limit that is capital itself and that it does not encounter, but reproduces by always displacing it….”If the movement does not tend toward any limit, if the quotient of differentials is not calculable, the present no longer has any meaning….The quotient of differentials is not resolved, the differences no longer canel one another in their relationship. No limit opposes the break, or the breaking of this break. The tendency finds no end, the thing in motion never quite reaches what the immediate future has in store for it; it is endlessly delayed by accidents and deviations…. Such is the complex notion of a continuity within the absolute break.” In the expanded immanence of the system, the limit tends to reconstitute in its displacement the thing it tended to diminish in its primative emplacement. [Anti-Oedipus 230 – 231]

In other words, the there is no end for the system to reach either for the nation-states (peripheral or center as Deleuze and Guattari go on to talk about in a very Wallerstien-esque way) or for the workers within capitalism first who find their life blood sucked away first into dollars per hour and salaries before then finding that same earned money sucked away from them in the form of commodities. On both ends, does m = m + surplus value or, in other words, our lives in exchange for pleasures, with no end in sight. We might be wearily working our minds to the bone typing away at work staring at a monitor (the labor of which is then subsumed by corporations) or we might be wearily working our minds to the bone staring at the vast internet or satelite television… in the big picture, we pay for our own creations (which is the impetus for revolution)! But alas, it makes no difference. If money continues to be the master metric which defines all our efforts like some Mastercard commercial that enforces to us that what’s priceless — i.e. without price (being worth so much it can’t be comodified, or worth so little it can’t be comodified) then that kind of master metric we give to our lives signifies that our lives have no absolute no value themselves being priceless. Each (hu)man according to her talents, perhaps, but also according to her discipline to get up in the morning, to the job opportunities available in her local area, to the assets she already owns (work clothes, a car, a place to live… shower and get dressed) we become useless to the job market without the things that surround us. a computer to find a job, a car to get to work, money for the bus, clothes to wear to work, an education, a common language

Never before have we found our lives without intrinsic value. Perhaps that is the true horror of measuring everything by money. in Moore’s film he has a segment about workers who are insured by their companies — who continue to profit from their employees even when their employees die. This segment is tragic to their families because it shows them directly how much (or how little) their surplus value really is….

Breaking this cycle is perhaps impossible, given our current ontological sophistication. It operates as a kind of stand alone complex. Marx was unable to explain where capitalism came from. He’s also unable to explain how it might end, except through some kind of miracle Proletariat uprising, which won’t happen as long as people remain hypnotized as vanishing mediators for the passage of money. we might have drank ourselves to death in past nations, but today we sit ourselves — bore ourselves — to death. Without a universal content there remains no impetus for us to do anything. Moore might appeal to the highest law in our nation. but that won’t work, you realize. the system would have to collapse to shock us out. A sudden disruption of the cycle of M-C-M and C-M-C cannot be stopped, by natural disaster as people will just build it back up. In a way, the system has to grind to a halt like surplus trash such as in Pixar’s Wall-e although even then, people continued to exist in some kind of suspended techno-world of hypnotized pleasure.

Kojan Karatani in Transcritique examines how Marx and Kant are related — but he also offers this advice for us to step out of M-C-M into a zero sum system of barter and exchange. it’s not enough to awaken workers into Proletariats but also the same individuals need to waken as consumers and choose not to participate in the cycle: the parallax gap that splits production into the two modes of M-C-M and C-M-C needs to be consciously undone. In other words, let pork become pigs again…. and let employees stay human.

I think what’s at stake here, if you don’t follow, is not just a question of how we should live. If anything Moore’s position actually doesn’t go far enough if only because he is still enamoured by STUFF, a house for everyone, a car. The utopia upbringing he talks about from growing up in — that he wants to bring to everyone — is a 50’s daydream — the epitome of being-consumer. Solutions offered to the problem in his film (but not in his film) do exist. But it’s not enough to complain about our loss of freedom or to strive for small government. While our civil liberties are definitely important just like the poorest of the poor’s standard of living — what’s at stake is far more important because our very meaning in living and being alive is what will initiate and maintain any kind of revolutionary change in society. This kind of revolution in consciousness is not something we can easily conceive of because it requires we jump axises. Our current state of legality — like philosophy — marks of our inability to coalesce our subjective differences. It’s not so much as Baudrilliard claims that the multiplicty of meaning destroys any meaningful referent itself — but that as a people, we can’t choose between the many meaningful referents. We are too distracted. Given any political event, like the advent of wikileaks or Russia’s refusal to disarm nuclear weapons — there arises any number of commentators who would have us believe contrary things. Our paralysis — our inability to select just one — becomes our inability to select anything — which then becomes our inability to care. After the news we change the channel and forget about what’s at stake. Conceptually we may reserve the universal ‘citizen’ as the person we are all slotted to be — legally or otherwise — the limit to what is an allowable subject. But when given so many choices in the free market, like so many comments, we can no longer find justification for our daily lives. Why this hamburger? Why this restaurant? Why/what Feminism? Why drive this car? Why choose this life partner? Why have children? Why this clothing store? Why are we alive? If we always choose to do things that make us feel good and look good, we lose sight of what is actually good. Now, I don’t mean that like wall-e we should forgo our technological slumber in favor of walking on our own two feet and cleaning up the planet ourselves (rather than letting robots do it).

Ethical responsibility isn’t in particular actions — and this is especially where Karatani’s Transcritique becomes useful — Marx misses ethics and Kant misses the ability to talk about our every society in concrete terms– ethics is in EVERY action. Any (non)action IS an ethical action. We are not abstracted subjects or even consumers. We are human beings who embody our own resource production and distribution and our lives are statements not just for ourselves but for how we should all be. We can carry the weight of the world. Every action IS a universal action, not in the multicultural sense of (“imho” or “for me”…). This is the gap where Sartre entered after he stopped writing. He began to do rather than just write. Most of us often shrug and say what can we do? Think globally and act locally. Slogans do abound — the answers are right in front of us — if we can distinguish them — but postmodernism as a lifestyle or a philosophy is harmful. Living in a world where everything is equal and a Presidential Administration can claim they are victors and say they write history even before any material change has occurred is not the world we should embrace. We still do have a choice. I don’t mean a choice between paper and plastic, I mean a choice as to how we want to live. Unfortunately such a real choice may no longer easily exist as an option for many of us, as long as we continue to work, buy our food, and drive our cars.

Choosing to uninstall a program isn’t the same as not using a computer… even though not using a computer means wasting more trees… The answers don’t lie within an axis of money or no money or between small or big government but within the values we choose to have and the responsibility and accountability we embody to our fellow human beings.

1 Mostly edited by my good friend Mabbish. Thanks!

manifesto for living

alot of my friends, and old friends are not people i can really relate to. i started noticing and complaining to myself about it around 3-5 years ago. i don’t want to hear about the latest video card, or the hottest computer game. many of them have stopped talking to me about anime too. this is normal, i think.

crappy but true. people move in different directions.

i find it mostly inane but also insidious how ‘living life’ often means getting drunk and partying all night. it’s mostly harmless fun. but at the same time, it’s terribly wasteful in the same way that your parents probably found it wasteful. and if your parents didn’t find it wasteful then there’s a good chance that they may have not found much time to be your parents (ha ha…?)

but seriously. this is has been a kind of weird transformation over the years. i accept that my nights and days spent ‘partying’ or staying up all night doing ‘fun stuff’ have been lost along the way side. and i don’t really care if other people behave like that (as long as they don’t keep me up or disturb me in any particular way). many of the people who choose to, at times, cut loose and revel in somatic pleasures like drugs or getting drunk or sex or whatever are quite accomplished individuals. they have done great things, they have good career — they are not bad people. i guess there’s a bit of slight disapproval from me though, (not that it matters, because it doesnt!) as i find that the energies that go into such recreation are really just thrown away.

but the larger question comes to be, what isn’t thrown away or lost?

i spent alot of my formative years watching star trek the next generation. this is because my family (and some close friends, at the time) were really into it. i don’t have tv at my house so i watch it on tivo when i am at my parents. most of the time, visiting parents = some break for me, since i don’t have my computer and are not tempted to work late at night since i can’t. i mean i do, sometimes on their notebook computer but it’s purposefully devoid of my materials (and of dropbox) so getting onto the server and working directly from there is kind of a pain… i recognize i need some rest… so that’s how i sort of set things up for myself. anyway, watching sttng is a way of relaxing at my parents house. i really only watch tv when i am there. because there’s not much else to do and because tv is easy. it’s inane and the episodes while i have seen them all, sometimes i don’t recall. so it’s alright.

there seems to be a huge theme running throughout sttng i didn’t notice as a teenager. captain picard or members of the crew are always explaining what it means to be mortal, or whatever it means to be human. they explain to aliens who are immortal or super-powerful energy beings that “we are not like them, we die and live short lives… or explain to lesser developed aliens that “we are like you, we are not gods, we die and live short lives… (sorry if the unclosed quotes are annoying to you i did it because i am talking in his voice and my own)

but sttng is really not an exploration of the universe, but a moralistic tool that tries to brainwash the audience into thinking about the greater good of humankind and of all sentient beings… dead and alive…

this really isn’t something that we humans seem to ascribe to.

i spent about 2 hours this evening going to and coming back from a hipster art performance of sorts in north hills. it wasn’t bad. but i had also spent all last night and most of today working on a program… rewriting code and developing a new schema… i had drank a large amount of caffeine and was very focused. and really feeling impatient.

i arrived late, to meet my friend there… so i missed half the performances. i listened to a sound piece. and wondered why it was so unpleasant. a few years ago i might have tried to think deeply about the implications of various words. but like most sonic art, it escapes meaning by the use of non-linguistic sensations. like dance, it’s hard to translate into text even if it is literally in the kristevan term, inter-textual… meaning that it invokes a wide range of semiotic jolts. sound does that. it jolts us.

eventually though, i lightened up. and enjoyed the atmosphere and the sensation. but it grabs me that hipsters can be connoisseurs of sorts (i don’t consider myself one) of things art… art here, is only a collection of anything that creates different bodily sensations of light, and sound… the point of which is the sensation. so food and dance count. so does hiking and traveling. but this kind of art can be a fascinating exploration of various modes of consciousness in a way; the way a friend of mine’s installation changed the openedness of the space by stringing rope at about 10 feet above us across the room… cutting us off, in a way, from the 40+ high ceiling. these hipsters do it and then they talk about it. i find the talk inane mostly because it’s devoid of abstract language which would specify significant topological features of the individual expressions. but the fact remains really that there isnt any framework for such discussion… (as much as deleuze and guattari would like there to be) and to develop such a framework would be in some sense, to isolate one’s self in inanity…

this kind of art is all well and good, but i find myself asking if this attention to these light kinds of foray into second attentions — second because it’s not our first -daily- attention (to use some language from carlos castenada) really adds anything to our human experience. listening to soft live music from hipsters with guitars… okay maybe. it can enrich us subtly, in a sort of under-consciousness kind of way… if we choose to let it. but that kind of fantastic group explorations, which performance art is and can be, between a performer and the audience — is at best only a distraction from everything else. a sort of island from all our other energies and attentions and times.

i think we can be naked to the Name of the Father as it were, in a kierkegaard or a sartrean or a lacanian or a heideggerian way — submit ourself to the function, become the little warm center of the universe qua subject but that in itself won’t bring meaning to our activities… and maybe such a hipsteresque distraction… much like the drunking and partying that goes on every night in all the major (and minor!) settlements of the world serve as our only buffers to the general apathy of being a subject or quasi-subject. there really isn’t any kind of relief from any oppressive feeling from the Name of the Father. you hate it you love it you commit suicide because of it. and it doesn’t matter because it goes on like some crazy superego gone mad.. always to force an injunction that you comply.

personally i follow sartre mostly. i think, because i believe in choice. i don’t believe in oblivion. i don’t believe in the beautiful death that heidegger does. i don’t believe in submission and i don’t believe in any of the lacanian discourses. really, the Name of the Father is just another nomenclature for the cage of being configured as any kind of subject… and i choose to be a subject who wants to make a difference in the world. the explosion of what it means to be human (or atleast the desire for that) as radical as it sounds — is really a conservative way of foreclosing what could be, for me and i think most every one of us, to be destructive impulses that would really only get me, you and anyone else in trouble… eventually.

i don’t think i would drink myself to death. or get arrested or anything like that. although in a sci fi kind of way, anything is possible. i doubt that i would be as hysterical as the enterprise… streaking across the galaxy looking for something… but not at all knowing what that is… or like a broken record, always having to justify our tenuous position with life and bringing meaning and order in the name of peace and humanity. in a way, sttng is just us repeating to ourselves, everything is okay, we are all right. it’s not a great leap then, that star fleet headquarters is in san francisco, as lovely as that sounds… all right.

but what else is there?

[Untitled]

It doesn’t matter who you want to be, we are all somebody.